Diagnostic Criteria: Love Interest for Ivy

This post was not inspired in any way by the two cups of black coffee and the piece of bread I choked down as dinner. The cold (sometimes harsh) reality of being single in this old, intensely-populated city was the one thing that led me to create this possible venue for future self-incrimination.

Still, I write.

I have never liked going to family reunions for the very reason that twenty-something year old females with no engagement or wedding rings do. You get stuck between an aunt and another nosy aunt, or worse an aunt and her just-married pregnant daughter/your cousin, and it would seem that your civil status is another itching scab they want to pry off your skin.

Family reunion in Bohol (June 2010)

“I’m single” elicits nervous giggles from the younger uns. “I don’t have a boyfriend (yet/anymore/still)” and that’s when all hell pity breaks loose from their carefully made-up faces. Even an uncle can be counted on to retort, “Kaya nga dapat makilala mo na ang kaibigan/pinsan/ka-trabaho ko!” (That is why you should meet with my friend/cousin/co-worker already!) Even a cousin can jokingly add: “Tibo ka yata e.” (You’re probably lesbian.)

Um, just for the record, I am into MEN… and not having one in my life right now doesn’t mean I am not looking or not the least bit interested to find one (not necessarily, THE ONE).

Because I have yet to see the world from the other side of the fence, I get plagued by a barrage of comments/theories, which have ranged from just plain “picky ka kasi e” (you’re so picky) to the well-meaning “I don’t think I know anyone who deserves you.”

In medicine, we usually check on a list of criteria to determine whether a certain patient was sick with a very important syndromic disease (e.g. infectious endocarditis, Huntington’s, APAS and the list goes on).

So, I figured why not do the same for my future boyfriend/lover/husband?

Rule for Diagnosis:
You can only be
Ivy’s future boyfriend/lover/husband if you meet:
2 major criteria + 1 minor… OR 1 major criteria + 3 minor.

Major criteria (a.k.a. my non-negotiables):

  1. He must be a witty conversationalist. Don’t ever speak jejemon, even in text messaging (and Twitter!) or the bear gets it.
  2. He must be a man-with-the-plan. No to freeloaders, junkies and those who perenially grunt FML.
  3. He must not be shorter than me, a.k.a. please don’t be a Munchkin.

Minor criteria (a.k.a. the “tweakables”):

  1. He has short hair and minimal to no facial hair.
  2. He likes to travel.
  3. He loves his family.
  4. He can tolerate my weird quirks, which include and are not limited to food combinations and a few geekdoms.
  5. He likes reading. Books/comics/newspapers whichever, as long as it’s not Twilight!
  6. His age ranges from 5 years younger than me (21? hmm…) to 10 years older (yep, even 36).
  7. He wants to have children and/or pets.

Who wouldn’t want to have kids as cute as them?

So, there you have it, folks! The way to diagnose a man’s eligibility into becoming my potential love interest. So it could be Major Criteria 1 & 2 Plus Minor Criteria 6… OR Major Criteria 3 Plus Minor Criteria 2, 5 &7! Or other combinations! I’m positive that some man out there would be able to meet them. The list may be difficult to memorize, but you can always click back on this post to measure up your candidates.

If you know of someone or are this someone, step right up… because it’s you I want!

Hmmm caffeine high buzzing away… zzzZZzzz…

  1. He loves his family.

6 thoughts on “Diagnostic Criteria: Love Interest for Ivy

  1. hahaha cute ng list mo! nung birthday ko i met a cousin, bale anak ng cousin ni mama so second cousin? never ko nameet pero ka age ko. i know may bf sya sa fb nya. ganito usapan namin nung nag ka time kami alone

    cousin: may boyfriend ka?
    me: wala eh
    cousin: ah… pero may naiwan kang boyfriend sa pinas?
    me: um, wala naman

    ewan parang no matter what gusto nya may boyfriend ako lol. dami nagsasabi dapat magboyfriend na daw ako since may trabaho na. pero di naman ako naghahanap pa. tapos tinatanong ako kung bakit ayaw ko? wala naman ako masagot. di ko lang naman kasi naiisip 😐

    in fairness naman kahit mataba taba ako (lol), may lumalapit naman. kaso di ko lang talaga maisip 😐 tsaka mahirap dito, lalo na sa trabaho usually may mga ibang girlfriend sa labas. ewan ko kung pano nila nagagawa un.

    anyways… ok lang maging single (kasi single din ako). may plano si God satin kung bakit pa tayo single. and i think dapat ienjoy ko talaga ang pagiging single kasi at least may time ako for myself, for my family, for my lovely dog, for my friends, for my hobbies, etc. i can use my time my way. walang ibang iniisip kumbaga. sana tigilan na tayo ng mga tao.

    (mahaba yata comment na to lol. super affected kasi.)

    • Oh no, para naman akong lasing nung sinulat ko ito. Haha!

      Haay Tet, it’s as if they’re trying to find your character flaw… like it’s such a huge puzzle why you don’t have that one special guy yet. (“E sa wala!”)

      Yeah, I have a few friends who had to compromise their initial plans. But, it’s all part of the deal naman… eventually.

      Happiness doesn’t have to depend on that one person = My mantra for life. 🙂

  2. I know the feeling! Recently, I attended a birthday party of my dad’s uncle and I was told by the wife of the uncle: “Mag boyfriend ka na.” And I was like, kung meron lang ba, baket hindi?

    Honestly, I have yet to come to a point in my life when I would desperately need a man to be with. Of course I plan to get married and have a family but I guess the right time for me to settle down is yet to come. I met women who would pounce on the first guy that would go near them and would say a resounding yes if asked to be married with them. Hindi pa naman ako ganun. In fact, super enjoy ako sa single life. 🙂 Basta ang take ko lang diyan, go on dates! We’re bound to find them and they’re bound to find us. If not, we have each other!

    • Honestly, I have yet to come to a point in my life when I would desperately need a man to be with. Of course I plan to get married and have a family but I guess the right time for me to settle down is yet to come.

      — Same goes for me, friend. I guess I’d be panicky when I’m 31, but for now, marriage is far from my mind. My reasoning for 31 isn’t even remotely sociocultural but purely biological. And yep, try AND try again. 😀

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